Sunday, June 27, 2010
Acceptance and Humility
My belief and perception has always been that of an optimist. If I am faced with a problem or obstacle, I have always believed that a solution is there. It may not be the perfect solution, but a way to minimize the damage and move on. I have always believed this and still do. But with my current predicament, I was starting to wonder if that was true. Many treatments have failed and the cancer continues to progress, to this point. I know that I need to work hard, eat right, and do all of the things that healthy people would likely never consider. There was an element within my control to pave the way for a miracle, but in the end, if my body chose not to respond, there was nothing I could do. The pain in my right hip and leg was a constant reminder that this concept was true. Little by little, I gain acceptance of this fact, and that is a good thing. It is not a hopeless thought. Or one that gives up trying. It is knowledge that, on these occasions, our troubles are bigger than ourselves. We must look outside of ourselves for answers and whatever solution can be offered. I am reminded of the Serenity Prayer, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” I don’t say many memorized prayers anymore, but that is one that I use more than daily. It tells me that I need to know what is beyond my ability to control or change and ask for help outside of myself, by someone with power beyond mine. Humility comes from this acceptance. Humility is a cultivated trait. It is something that you develop. You can be humble about things, but humility is something that you find in yourself. It becomes something that you are, not what you do on occasion. It means to do something for someone and tell no one. It means to put your family before you in all things. It means to live a Christ-like life. To be in service of your fellow man in your heart, thought, and action. Seems like a lot. That is where the first part comes in. Do the leg work and put forth the effort. Change what you can to be the best person that you can be minute by minute, day by day. Be humble and know that God is by your side giving you strength. Accept your limitations and that He will make up the differences. It is no different from your father teaching you to ride a bike. You have to get up there and pedal. He is right behind you, steadying the bike. It doesn’t mean you won’t get scrapes and bruises now and then, but with his help you will gain independence. What this all means for me is that I am learning to accept my disease. I know that now is the time to turn my life and my will over to the care of God. I continue to work hard and accept the things I cannot change, change the things I can, and pray to know the difference. Physically I can do these things. But just as important, spiritually and emotionally, I turn over to the strength of God. It requires more than I can give. I trust in the Lord and believe he can heal me. I will try to be humble enough to remember this, but this too I know, Thy Will Be Done.